Monday, January 1, 2007

How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?

LOVE - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.

LOVE - when intercourse is called making love.
LUST - all other times.
MARRIAGE - what's intercourse?

LOVE - when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - when you argue over money.

LOVE - when you share everything you own.
LUST - when you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
MARRIAGE - when the bank owns everything.

LOVE - when it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - when the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - what's a climax?

LOVE - when you phone each other just to say "Gidday".
LUST - when you phone each other just to organize sex.
MARRIAGE - when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

LOVE - when you write poems about your partner.
LUST - when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - when all you write is cheques.

LOVE - when you show concern for your partners' feelings.
LUST - when you couldn't give a shit.
MARRIAGE - when your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE - when your farewell is "I love you darling ...".
LUST - when your farewell is "So, same time next week?".
MARRIAGE - when your farewell is silent.

LOVE - when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - when you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE - when you never see each other awake.

LOVE - when your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST - when your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE - when your wallet empties everytime you see them.

LOVE - when nobody else matters.
LUST - when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - when it's just the same mushy old shit.
MARRIAGE - when you never listen to music.

LOVE - when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - when staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - when just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE - when you're interested in everything your partner does.
LUST - when you're only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE - when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score.

13 comments:

A Heimishe said...

I have decided to remove the child pic. Sorry to all who felt it was disturbing.

Sara with NO H said...

I never saw the pic, but I think this was cute and funny. I doubt you meant frum marraiges or frum people at all in general here, so I won't rip into you like JBF did even though I love that girl dearly...lol

I do have to say, you hit love and lust on the nose.

A Heimishe said...

Sara I am glad you enjoyed it!

A Heimishe said...

Jewish, Thanks!

I am happy to see some "LOVE" around here :)

FunkyJew82 said...

lol! wow... can't WAIT to get married!! =)

Sam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

good one, i have seen it in the past
So what's the musser haskel of his ;-)

A Heimishe said...

Shy, to get people smile is what I am ;) Thanks for the for the compliment on the card, A compliment is always appreciated.

TruthSpeaker, Blogging could be an enjoyment too. JFB we need people like you around here, we love your comments.

Chosid, the musser haskel? I will leave that up for everyone to figure that out them self.

chaverah said...

marraige is not all that bad! but i must say some of the lines are quite funny! lol thanks for sharing.

A Heimishe said...

Chaverah, you know the saying: Single life is not as bad as they say and marriage is not as good as they say..

A Heimishe said...

Shy, I like that one.. :)

heimishinbrooklyn said...

Oy vey! I don't know if I'm in love, lust or married. I gotta go figure this out...............................

A Heimishe said...

Heimish, you may have been confused before but after readin this post you should know excatly in what stage your in.. ;)